Fart: A Documentary Movie Script

It went down his throat, right?

Female narrator: This is almost always followed by an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment.

If this does take place, remain calm.

Pretend it did not happen.

If you are in the vicinity of this happening, do not acknowledge.

It is uncomfortable for all involved.

( multiple farting noises ) Well, children absolutely adore farting.

Just about every family-- no matter how proper they are, you know, has some kind of little expression that they use with the kids.

You know, because everybody farts and kids fart, and kids find farts funny.

So adults have to deal with it in one way or another.

( card farting ) ( giggling ) So they would have all these expressions like, "Somebody let Fluffy of the leash." - ( fart noise ) - ( giggling ) Uh, "Did somebody step on a duck?" And if you've ever farted in the shower, you know, facing away from the shower, you know that when you fart it-- it-- it makes a quacking sound.

- You know?

- ( ducks quacking ) - Quack.

- ( quacking ) When it came time for this third book, that just seemed like a-- like a good title.

- ( farting noise continues )

- Boy:

Stop!

Mother:

What does your daddy do that stinks?

- He farts.

- ( laughing )

Mother:

Is that funny?

And I'm brilliant at making children laugh.

If you-- if I want-- if you happen to be on a long-haul flight, and there's a child crying, then I can-- I can stop them crying.

I can make them laugh.

And I do it by doing this.

( farting ) Within seconds, they're falling about.