Fart: A Documentary Movie Script

Um, but, yes, I mean, it's-- it's more associated with, uh, children and childish humor.

Which is a shame.

Swift, you know, wrote a lot of things about people farting because he saw that as an expression of our basic humanity that we're always trying to cover up.

And, therefore, it's always funnier than it really is.

Didn't you say something about the... You were in the underground in London - with a lot of people.

- Oh, that's right.

- What is it?

- I went to a soccer match-- football match-- many years ago, and it was absolutely packed, you-- like sardines... Woman over P.A.: This is a Piccadilly line service to Oxbridge.

...and you couldn't move.

Couldn't move.

One of my colleagues from work had been drinking beer, hot dogs, onions-- - the whole lot... - What a mixture.

Well, anyway, halfway along the journey, he dropped one.

The moment, um, I... I tentatively made this claim, to be the world's only performing flatulist.

There were moans and... You could tell-- you could actually hear it passing up the coach, the carriage I'm not so tentative now, because I know there are other flatulists or other people who perform my art.

As the complaints moved up the train, gosh, and nobody could-- you couldn't escape.

You couldn't walk away.

You couldn't do anything.

- ( laughing ) - It was disgusting.

But to actually go out there and perform a show and-- and-- and make a living out of it, uh, which I do... - ( farting ) - ...Strangely, I-- I still find it bizarre.

You know, and there's times when I try and retire.

And it's like a calling, it pulls me back.

It pulls me back.

It says, "You won't do that.

No. You will go to Japan, you know, and you will fart on the television on Fuji TV.

Okay.