Fart: A Documentary Movie Script

One, two... For the entertainment value, of course.

Not-- not lots of times, but on the few occasions I've had hostile, um, sort of reactions from an audience.

( farting ) Luckily, it's not a lot of the time.

And I've had to sort of say, well, obviously, it's not for you and just wind it up.

I think once was a BMW sales conference.

I am ready.

Is the orchestra ready?

- Are you ready?

- Yes.

( fart )

Oldfield:

He said, come on the show and we'll sing a duet.

So I came on the show and we sang a duet of "Da Doo Ron Ron." I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still ( farting melody ) It was, you know, it was a piece of classic television.

And my heart stood still ( farting melody ) That was it.

I was never shown on the BBC.

And by today's standards it's quite mild.

- And his name was Bill - ( farting melody ) But at the time, it was just, no, no.

I mean, we're going back, I think it was '90... '97-- 1997, so, you know, attitudes were different.

( farting ) And, really, when I create something, it's a labor of love.

I just take it and reform it, but, you know, it's still a labor of love.

This is what I do as a job.

And-- and-- and to me, that's a work of art.

Da doo ron ron ron - ( farting ) - ( laughing ) ( sighs heavily ) It's just a fart.

You know to me, all you have to do is fart over it.

You don't realize what a lot of hard work goes into that, um, farting, really.

You know, I once recorded a version of "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.