美国往事Once Upon a Time in America Movie Script

- Come on.

P*ssy insurance. The insurance pussies.

What it is, tell them that story.

Life is stranger than sh*t, that's all.

It's a pisser. No big story.

I got this insurance agent, this Jew kid named David.

This kid conned me into every policy in the world. Every policy, name it.

Dogs, house, wife, life, anything.

I'm drinking with the boys one night, he comes in with his wife pretty brunette with a nice ass who works for a jeweler.

And he's still on the hustle, this guy.

So I wink at the guys, I say, "Look the most serious policy that should be, you don't have me covered for. " He goes, "What's that, Joe?"

"Cock insurance. " "You make me a policy that when it don't work, I get a payment... " "... I'll write out a check now. " He thinks, and he says, "I don't know if the actuality gauges govern this but we can make a policy. " "But you gotta guarantee you're in good health now. " "That's simple", I says, "Look, leave her with me, come back and see if it stands up.

If it stands up, you know I'm in good health to begin with. " The jerk leaves her.

I screw her.

Not only that, she likes it. And she tells me when her boss, the jeweler is shipping stones to Holland where he keeps his stash in a little drawer in the safe. Everything.

Can't ask for more, right?

Except, one better.

I never paid the first premium on the new cock policy.

"Cock insurance!"

Life is funnier than sh*t.

But be easy with the girl.

I mean that.

Be easy with the girl!

Oh, my God!

- Open it!